


My Heart

by bjfic_archivist



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Canon, No Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-07-23
Updated: 2003-07-23
Packaged: 2018-12-26 18:22:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,044
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12064512
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bjfic_archivist/pseuds/bjfic_archivist
Summary: A very mushy love story.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Note from IrishCaelan, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Brian_Justin_Fanfiction_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in September 2017. I posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bjfic/profile).

Seeing him leave was one of the most painful things that I have ever felt in my entire life. The beatings I took when I was a child didn’t even compare to seeing him walk out with that banjo player. I so badly wanted to beat the hell out him and tell him to walk away from what is mine, but no, I didn’t. I just watched them go… what the hell was I thinking? I’ll tell you what I was thinking. I was thinking that I could run after him or let him go, I could make his life miserable by making him stay with me or I could let him go and be happy with the banjo player. Stupid, right? I know that… now. I was stupid to think that I could actually function without him. It has been two months and I am just now starting to associate with Mikey and the gang. I didn’t go to work for a week; I just sat in the loft clutching an old sweatshirt that I had found of his. I didn’t even shower that week. The only time I left the bedroom was to grab something to drink or use the bathroom. I think that I had lost all of my ability to fuck because I couldn’t even stomach the thought of touching someone else once he was gone. If I would have just been truthful with myself I would have told him that I love him and would stop tricking. I don’t think that I was meant to fuck anyone else in this world once I had him. Hell, I couldn’t even take a shower because I missed him being in there with me. I only ate when the hunger was just too much for my stomach to handle. I only know that I wanted him back so badly and I would do just about anything to feel him next to me again. After that week I did go out of the loft. I went to work and came home. I spent all day thinking that I would rather be home clutching that sweatshirt of his. So, after that first day I brought the sweatshirt with me and kept in my desk drawer and during lunch I would lock the door and let memories take me over as I breathed in the scent that was still on the sweatshirt. This went on for… who am I kidding? It still goes on. If I could I would wear that fucking thing under my suits just to feel close to him. It wasn’t long after I was finally cornered by Mikey and he somehow convinced me that spending all of my time by myself wasn’t a good idea considering what had happened. I agreed to go to Woody’s with him and the whole time I was thinking that I wanted to be there with Justin and not Mikey or the boys. I left after an hour because I just wasn’t ready to be around them. 

So, here I am alone in our… my… no…our bed just wishing Justin was here with me. I think that I was wrong when I pushed him away the way I did. I didn’t want to and now I have finally come to the conclusion that I don’t want to be without him anymore. I have decided to put a plan into motion so that I can bring my baby back where he belongs…with me. This time I am going to do it right, I am going to make sure he knows the reasons why I am doing this. I have only one thing standing in my way and that is the fucking banjo player or whatever the fuck he is. I need to start acting more like the old me so that I can try to pump the guys for information about Justin and try not to seem to needy. They really do not need to know what I am planning because they would only try to stop me and that includes Mikey. He is never going to get it through his head that we aren’t going to be together the way that he wants, but I’m sure after I’ve got Justin back this time he will have to see that I love Justin more than anyone or anything in this world. Tomorrow is Saturday and this is the perfect day to put my plan into action. Justin should be working a shift at the diner tomorrow and everyone should be there. Am I ready to see Justin after this long? I wonder if he really is happy. I will know tomorrow because I can tell whether or not he is alright just by looking at him. I hope that I can pull this off and restrain myself from just walking into the diner and taking him home with me. 

I wake up early because I’m either so excited that I get to see Justin today or very very fucking nauseous. I am showered and out the door 2 hours and a few visits to the porcelain god later. I walk into the diner and immediately scan the diner for those pair of blue eyes I haven’t seen in so long and don’t see him…what the fuck? I start over to the booth where Mikey, Emmett and Ted are and slide in next to Mikey. 

“Hey boys how are tricks?” I am trying my best to cover my disappointment that J isn’t here and they are all just looking at me like they have seen a ghost.

“Hi Brian.” Mikey finally comes out with it.

“So, why the fuck is everyone looking at me like I have a dick tattooed on my forehead?”

Emmett clears his throat and says, “Sorry Brian, its just that we haven’t seen you in a while and we didn’t expect to see you here. You look good, as always.”

“Thanks.” I just sit there waiting for something to happen. It is almost like waiting for a time bomb to go off. 

“What can I get everyone?” Fuck. Well, I can firmly say that the bomb has just went off. 

Trying to collect myself I muster a “Hey Justin.” I haven’t looked up at him yet, but I want to now and I cannot believe what I see.

“Hey… what can I get you?”

“WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO YOU?” What can I say; it just came out. 

“Brian, I don’t know what you are talking about.” 

“Don’t feed me that line of bullshit Justin. There has to be some reason that you have dropped so much fucking weight, you have bags under your eyes and not to mention all of the bruises all over your face. FUCK!”

“It is not big deal Brian, you just haven’t seen me in a while. I have been studying a lot and just not sleeping very well. As for the bruises… I fell down the stairs.”

“Bullshit! Where is he J?” I am going to fucking kill the little prick.

“B, just leave it alone. I’m not your problem anymore.” 

“J, you were never my problem… I was always yours.”

“Still are.”

“Why do you say that?”

“Never mind, look what do you want to eat?” 

I just now remember that we are in the diner and around ears that really don’t need to hear any of this. So I am getting out of here. NOW.

“Justin, your shift is fucking over, get your stuff and then we are leaving.”

He looks us at me with those eyes and I just want to wrap my arms around him and tell him I love him, but first we need to figure some things out.

“B, please I can’t do this. I don’t want your pity, I am fine, really.”

“Jus, this is not pity.” I hope that he can tell what I am saying without having to say it in the diner in front of everyone.

“Bri, its okay… just go on with your life and forget about me.” 

Well, fuck, I guess the diner it is. “Justin, listen to me. This is not about pity. I haven’t been in the diner in over two months, why do you think I came in here today? It sure as hell wasn’t for the fucking food. Please come with me now or we are going to have this conversation in the middle of the diner.”

“I can’t Brian, I just can’t.” He starts to walk away from me.

Well, here were go, I can feel my stomach in my throat I swear. “JUSTIN! Please, don’t make me do this here.” My final attempt at not totally embarrassing myself in front of all of Liberty Avenue. He looks back at me and then continues to move away. Well, this will be the talk of the streets for a few weeks.

“EXCUSE ME! CAN I HAVE EVERYONE’S ATTENTION, PLEASE?” Everyone turns to look at me and I just give a little laugh. Well Kinney, you have really screwed yourself this time, now or never.  
“Now that everyone has been kind enough to be quiet for a minute; Justin please come here.” He walks over to me very slowly as if I am going to lash out at him any second.

He finally stands in front of me and looks up, “What do you want Brian?”

“YOU!! That is what I want. I want you to come home with me and never leave me again. I can’t eat, can’t sleep, can’t think and I don’t want there to be a time in my life where you are not with me. I can’t take it anymore. I tried, I mean really tried to get on with my life because I thought I knew what was best for you, but I just can’t help what I feel. Justin, I love you and I don’t want anyone else ever again.”

Looking a little like he had been told he won the lottery Justin looked at me in pure amazement, as did everyone else in the diner. I reached out to wipe the tears that had been streaming down Justin’s face since about half way through my little confession. “J now would be a good time to say something. I have just told pretty much everyone that walks these streets daily how much I love you.”

“Brian, I love you too!” Justin wraps his arms around me and we stay that way for a long time. Then I realize what I have just confessed and strangely enough it doesn’t make me feel like running away. I didn’t want to do this in public, but I just couldn’t let him walk away. We are still holding each other and then I open my eyes to see Mikey. He looks like he has just been kicked in the face by a mule. Well, I can’t please everyone, but I think that I have finally gotten what I want… Justin.

“Brian, what are you doing?” Ah, the screech of Michael’s voice. I pull back a little ways from Justin to answer him and Justin takes this as a sign that he needs to move away from me. I quickly grab him and put my arm around his waist so he can’t move. He needs to know that he is the one I am in love with, and I really don’t care who knows it.

“Mikey, I think you heard what I am doing, everyone else in the diner did, and last I checked you can hear.”

“Brian, Justin cheats on you, lies to you and you take him back? I know you cannot be that desperate that you would have to take a little whore like him back.” 

“WHAT THE FUCK MIKEY? Don’t you ever and I mean every refer to Justin as anything like what you just did or we are through being friends. I was afraid that you couldn’t handle this, but I need to get you to understand. I am only going to say this once Michael. If he will take ME back, I want Justin as my partner, not you, NEVER YOU. Even if Justin never wants to take me back I will never be with you, you are a friend, nothing more. Used to be my best friend, but I think that is changing right now. The only reason that you are not lying on the ground and me kicking the shit out of you for what you said about Justine is because we have been friends for so long. I LOVE HIM MICHAEL! You can either accept that fact and him or you will no longer be a part of my life.

“Brian, I don’t want to come between you two… Michael was there for you long before I was and he should be a permanent fixture in your life, not me.” Justin says without any emotion, just raw feeling and it seems like he is just giving up. He takes the arm that is around his waist and goes to remove it, but I hold it there and don’t let go.

I turn to him and place a hand on his cheek. “J, I want you in my life more than anyone else in this world. You are my heart.” I brush my lips against his and can feel his smile back in place, so I turn back to Mikey. “Your call Michael, think about it and let me know. I just want you to know that I would like to still be friends, but Justin is my partner, I hope, and my everything.” With that I look at J and turn him towards the door and we leave everyone in the diner just standing or sitting with the most shocked expressions anyone has ever seen. I guess this means that I am retired. I don’t care, I have Justin back and he makes it all worth it. At least I think I have him back. Let’s hope he thinks so too.


	2. My Heart

Okay, so now what? I did what I wanted to do, but he hasn’t said anything and it is driving me crazy. We walked out of the diner and got into the jeep without thinking about it and started home. He just stared out the fucking window all the way home. What am I suppose to think? Now that we are back in the loft he still doesn’t say anything. He just walked in and sat on the couch and is just staring into the air. I CAN”T TAKE THIS SHIT!!!! I don’t know why, but I didn’t follow him to the couch. I have been standing in the kitchen just waiting… for… I don’t know what the fuck I’m waiting for. Well, here we go… round two.

“Justin, are you okay?” As if I already don’t feel like I belong on the warm fuzzy lesbian planet. As I’m walking towards him he puts his head in his hands and starts to cry… again. I sit down next to him and wrap my arm around his shoulder.

“Brian, I don’t know what I’m doing. I feel lost and I can’t find my way back to where I’m supposed to be, but I don’t know where I’m supposed to be. I know that I’m in love with you and I want to be with you, but I am afraid. I don’t want to hurt you again and I don’t want to be hurt again either. I’m sure that you thought that everything would work out between us when you told me you loved me, but I don’t know if it will. I’m just so…” 

“Terrified?” I say because that is exactly the way that I’m feeling. I am fucking terrified that I gave my heart to him and now he doesn’t want it anymore. I turn him to face me so that I can see his eyes. God, those eyes, I could drown in them.

“Yes, but how do I get pass that feeling? I don’t want to let you go Brian, I love you too much.”

“Justin, we have to get through it together because we belong together… its true love.” I say and for the first time I see the light back in his eyes. He gives me the Sunshine smile that makes my heartbeat so fast and my cock stand at attention.

“You really think so?” 

He smiles like that and all this warm mushy shit has to be over soon because my dick feels like it is going to explode. What can I say? My dick hasn’t seen Justin in a while and it missed him. “I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t mean it. So… are we okay?” 

“Yeah, we’re better than okay. Come here old man, I know you’ve been thinking about your dick for the last few minutes. Probably telling yourself how much it has missed me, or you think that it will explode really soon. Which is it?” 

As he is finishing this up he throws both arms around my neck and starts to kiss my neck, which drives me absolutely crazy and he knows it… little fucker. “Both… I can’t help it if my dick has a mind of it’s own. When it senses you are around it sits up and pays attention because it knows what you feel like. I know what you feel like, and if you don’t stop I will end up attacking you and we won’t be able to finish our little talk. Personally, I think that talking is overrated, but I know that you…”

“Brian, shut up and fuck me.” 

I just don’t know what to say to that… so I get up off of the couch sling him over my shoulder and carry him to the bed… our bed. I just simply toss him onto the bed and start taking off… okay pretty much ripping off his clothes and shedding mine, but then something happens. I look at him and I finally realize that he is back and my emotions get the better of me so I tell him “God, I love you. I don’t think you will ever know how much. So, whenever I turn into a giant dickhead or I fuck something up please remember that and call me on it, but just please don’t ever leave me again, I couldn’t take it again.” I just lie on top of him and put my arms around him and I finally feel loved as he strokes my back and just lets me hold him.

“Brian, this is really a good thing, but if you don’t take care of my ass soon we won’t have to worry about your dick because I’m going to explode. I need to feel you inside me NOW!”

“So now you just want me for my big dick?” I pull back onto my knees and straddle him.

“More or less.” He says with a little laugh put into it.

“Fair enough! Whatever you want Sunshine.” I get up onto my knees and put his legs on my shoulders with a quickness that makes him let out a little moan. I know that as soon as my dick is in that tight little hole I won’t last very long this time so I want to take this as slow as possible, but I can’t. Fuck me I want him so bad. I reach for the ever-present lube and condom on the bedside table and roll the condom and prepare Justin with quickness. I look down at him one more time looking for that sign that this okay with him and he just smiles and pulls me down by the neck to his lips. I pull away from his lips and them swoop back down with harshness and my tongue penetrates his lips just as my dick slides into his hole. He and I tear our mouths from each other to gasp for air. “Oh God Justin… you feel so good… I’m not going to last long and I haven’t done anything yet.” “Brian, we have all night…just please do it.” I start to pull out of him and almost immediately begin finding the old rhythm that we had. As I’m thrusting in and out of him the only sounds that can be heard is our heavy breathing and the moaning that always takes place whenever we are so in tune with each other. We always have had this thing with biting and licking every part of each other’s bodies and it just falls right into place. “Feels… so…uggghh… good… Justin…” I reach down to start stroking Justin and he just keeps moaning and then I hear him saying “Brian… going to… oh god… harder… fuck… ahhhhh!” Justin shoots into my hand and as his ass tightens around my dick I feel my own release. “FUCK!!!! Oh my god Justin.” I collapse on top of him and we lay there for a few minutes and he just runs his fingers through my hair as I start to soften I slowly pull out of him and take off the condom and throw it away. I want to be so close to him all of the time, so I snuggle in close to him and drape my arm around him.

“Brian?”

“Yes baby?”

“I think that we need some time to think things through…”

“What are you talking about, you already want to leave me?” I just spit it out. I don’t know why I do these things to myself. 

“No, I was talking about us taking a trip together. You know, so we can get away from everyone and try to sort everything out. I just think that we need to be together alone away from everyone else before we have to face them all.” 

I know he really wants to get away from Mikey when he says this. “Where do you want to go?”

“I really don’t care as long as it is just you and me.” 

He doesn’t know it, but I wanted to do this too and I was hoping that he would leave it to me to decide what we would do. “Well, I have a few ideas as long as you have plans to be with only me for a month or two.”

He smiles and says, “I have the rest of my life for you.”

“I never thought that I would hear you say that. Can we leave on Wednesday? That will give me enough time to get things taken care of at the office since I’ll be gone for a while.”

“Fine with me, my classes are just ending and… um… Brian?”

“Yeah?”

“I need to get my things from Ethan’s place. I don’t know how he’s going to react when I tell him that I’m leaving him. I’m afraid of him.”

That fucking little bastard! I would love to rip his arm off and beat him to death with it. “I’ll go with you tomorrow and we’ll get everything that you need. I promise you that nothing is going to happen and he won’t ever touch you again.”

“Are you sure? I mean I could go by myself. I just don’t want anything to happen to you or for him to try anything stupid.”

“Don’t worry about it. We will be in and out before you know it.” I smile at him with my I want to fuck you now look and he finally seems to relax a little. In the end it always comes back to sex with us. “Justin, do you still want me after everything that I’ve done to you? I mean the way that I’ve hurt you so many times. God, I sound like fucking Lindsey, what have you done to me?” I snort out a laugh that makes him chuckle a little.

“Brian, we both caused our fair share of hurt. I know that what I did really hurt you, but I just gave up on us. I didn’t think you really loved me anymore. I had always had a pretty good idea that you did and one day you would just surprise me by telling me, but after a while I just stopped wishing and hoping. I forgot how your mind works, but I won’t do that again. As far as me still wanting you, what are you kidding me? Who wouldn’t want you, but I have you now and I’m not letting you go again.”

“Prove it!” I say and with that start our marathon of sex for the night. It was fucking fantastic. We sucked, fucked, rimmed, kissed, showered a few times, and finally fell asleep hands and legs woven through one another.


	3. My Heart

SUNDAY

I wake up early and decide that I am going to attempt to make breakfast for Justin. I don’t think that I have every made him anything to eat. The most I’ve ever done is pour cereal into a bowl and I don’t remember even doing that for him. I know that he is dreading going over to violin boy’s apartment to get his things so this might put a smile on his face. I open the fridge and find it empty. Well, I guess we are going out to breakfast! 

“Oh Sunshine! We have a lot to do today, wake up.” I am making my way towards to the bedroom when I hear him shifting on the bed.

“Need more sleep, I think my ass is broken.”

“Well, if your ass is broken my dick is definitely broken so no sympathy here, get up!” I come to his side of the bed and bend down for a kiss. He tastes so good. I really need to stop with this mushy shit otherwise I will turn into Lindsey.

“Fine!” He throws the covers off and looks really pissed that I woke him up, kind of funny.

Two hours and two showers later we are ready to go eat breakfast. Good thing I got up early. 

“Where do you want to eat Justin?” I know he doesn’t want to go the diner, but I do.

“I don’t care, just don’t make another scene.” 

How does he always know what I’m thinking? Well that ruins that idea. “Why don’t we just go to the diner, okay?”

“Sure… is Michael going to be there? I just don’t want to cause anymore problems between you two.”

“I really don’t care if he is or he isn’t. What you and I do or don’t do is our business, everyone else can fuck off.” The rest of the trip to the diner is pure silence. I guess in a way I’m mad that Justin thinks that Michael is more important to me than him. Oh well, I’m sure everybody will be at least nice to Justin when we get there. 

We pull up to the diner and then he just looks over at me and we both smile. I think the smile was more comforting to him because I don’t get a fuck what anybody thinks about us and he does. We walk in and just stand for a minute to scan the crowd. Sure enough the boys are here and Deb, just what I need, Deb and her screaming so that Justin feels more uncomfortable than he already is. She hasn’t spotted us yet, oh wait, well fuck me… here we are again.

“Sunshine!” Deb always amazes me with how happy she is ALL of the time.

“Hi Deb.” Justin greets her and then turns to me with a smile. “Brian, I’ve got to go the bathroom. See you in a little bit.”

“Traitor.” I tell him because I know that he just doesn’t want to hear everything that she is going to say. I’ll make sure he pays for that later.

“Well, you little asshole. What do you have to say for yourself?” Well, at least she doesn’t sound pissed at me.

“What did I do? Or is it a case of who did I do?” I smile hoping that she will let me off easy this time.

“It’s about time you pulled your head out of your ass and let Justin put something else there. Good for you and this time don’t fuck it up. I’m proud of you baby.” What the fuck did she say?

“Huh? I could have sworn that you told me in your own Debbie way that I did something right. Is that what I heard?”

“Don’t let it go to your head smartass. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about what Justin was going through, but I knew you would find your way to him. Besides, I had already told Justin that he could come back to my house anytime he wanted, but he didn’t want me to interfere with their relationship. Now, try to eat some protein that is on a plate this morning. Oh, and try not to fuck him to death.” With that she smiles and walks off.

Well that was easy and Justin has been in the bathroom for a long fucking time. I think I might have to go retrieve him, but just as I head that way he comes out. I walk over to where everyone is, but Justin doesn’t move. Michael is just starting at him, so I walk over and smack him on the back of the head. “Knock it off Michael.”

“What? What did I do?”

“You know what you did, leave him alone. Justin are you going to stand there all day or are you going to say hello to the boys?”

“I prefer to stand here all day, old man.” That's two things I'm going to enjoy paying him back for tonight, little shithead. 

“Shut up and come here. Don’t make me spank you in front of all of these people.” That did it; probably because he knows that I would do it. He is standing beside me before I know it. Emmett is laughing and Ted, well, he’s just being Ted and then there’s Michael and Ben. Michael doesn’t look up and I see Ben with a huge grin on his face. He’s in trouble!!

“Hi Sweetie! If it is possible you look like a new little princess.” I don’t think that there is a bigger queen in the world than Emmett.

“Thanks, I think.” Justin is laughing a little… and has a full blush on his face. I think this is a good sign.

“Jesus Em, you are not going to turn him into a queen, quit that shit now.” Maybe that will make Emmett lay off of the princess shit.

“Leave my queen alone. I love him just the way he is. He is just letting his flame burn bright.” Ted what a moron.

“Hello Justin… Brian.” Ben is still laughing at what’s happening with the conversation. Not a word from Michael, I like this.

“Well kids, my boyfriend and I are going to sit down and eat something. Later.” That should make for some interesting conversation for the table. I crack myself up sometimes. We just sit in the booth in back of the boys and I can feel them staring at us while we talk and eat. I find it very funny, but I choose not to say anything because it will just start something all over again and Justin is going to have to go through a lot after we leave here. I’m really hoping for Justin’s sake that fiddler on the roof isn’t home. 

“Ready to go Brian?”

“Sure, are you ready to go get your stuff?” 

“No, but I can’t leave it there. I’m glad you’re going with me.”

“I wouldn’t let you do this by yourself. I just hope that he isn’t there when we get there because I am still really fucking pissed.” I could strangle that little bastard with my hands and smile while I was doing it.

“Well, I just don’t know what to say to that. Let’s get this over with. The sooner we get my stuff the sooner we can go back to bed.”

“Oh no Sunshine, I have other things planned for you after we have your stuff back where it belongs.”

“Like what?”

“I don’t think that I’m going to tell you. That would ruin the fun in it.” My part smile, part mouth open tongue in cheek smile just comes naturally. I can’t help it.

“I just have to tell you that every time you have that look I want to attack you. So stop, otherwise you will be buying me a new wardrobe.”

“That wouldn’t be a bad idea. I know what kind of clothes you have and they could use some updating.” He hates it when I pick on him about his clothes; it’s cute the way he gets defensive about it.

“Well at least I wouldn’t spend $500 on a pair of fucking shoes!” So cute!

“I can’t help it if I have good taste. It just sometimes takes me a while to find what I really love.” I hope he gets what I meant by that last statement.

“Bri, lets go get my stuff so we can go home.”

“Okay, but when we leave I want to leave a little impression on the boys, you up for it?”

“Sure!”

“Just play along with whatever I say.” He just nods his head and then we get up and start to pass the table with the boys still looking like they have been hit by lightening.

“Well boys, it’s been a slice of heaven.”

“Brian, I hope you know what you’re doing.” Oh Michael are you never going to learn?

“I know exactly what I’m doing. I’ll even tell you! J and I are going to get his stuff from what’s his name’s place and then we are going to take it back to our home. Then I will probably fuck him senseless and then I’ll let him do the same to me, if he’s lucky. Then, I have something special planned for him that he doesn’t even know about. Then, on Wednesday we are leaving town and going somewhere nobody can find us for a while. Any questions?” I look around the table and love the fact that none of them know what to say to me. 

“Why exactly do I have to be lucky to fuck you senseless?” Justin always knows how to make me laugh. 

“Because I usually don’t want to stop fucking you. Problem there?” I lean down and brush his lips with mine that gives me the uncontrollable urge to smile. 

“None at all.” 

“Alright, lets go. By boys.”

“Brian, call me later.”

“Busy, Busy Mikey. I’ll try to call before we leave.”

“How long will you be gone?” Why all the questions now when we are leaving.

“Yes, we need to know so we can have a party. Then we will need some kind of theme for the party. So exciting. Justin, baby will you help me plan the party?” Emmett and his fucking parties, I’m beginning to regret telling them we were leaving. We could have just said that we were going to New York for the weekend. Or we could have just left. 

“I don’t know how long we’ll be gone Mikey and Emmett the whole party thing is totally up to Jus. You can talk to him about it later tonight, but now we are leaving!”

“Call me around 9 tonight Em and I’ll talk to you about it.” I am dragging Justin out of the diner as he is still talking to the biggest queen in Pittsburgh.

We head straight to the fucker’s apartment and thankfully when we walk in he isn’t there. As if he is on automatic pilot Justin just starts putting things into a suitcase that he had stored in a closet. 

“Brian, will you go get my stuff from the bathroom. Do you remember everything that I use?” I longed for the smell of his shampoo so much I almost laugh at the question.

“Yeah, I think I can manage.” I head to the bathroom and have Justin’s things collected in no time and something crosses my mind. I grab the other toothbrush that is on the sink and swirl it around in the toilet making sure to get up under the rim. Little fucker, if I can’t kill him maybe I’ll live with the slight satisfaction that he is putting remnants of shit in his mouth.

“Brian, I’m ready.”

“Okay, lets get the hell out of here.” We open the door just to see dumbass standing there with a look of amazement in his eyes. 

“Justin? What the fuck is going on here and why is this asshole in my apartment?” As if he doesn’t know why I’m here.

“Obviously I am taking Justin home with me where he belongs. Don’t make this harder on yourself than it already is. I already have no reservations about beating the shit out of you. SO FUCKING MOVE…NOW!” He moves to the side, way to easy for my own comfort.

“You are nothing but his whore Justin, remember that the next time he is fucking somebody in your bed, in front of you! I should have tried to beat some sense into you more often, maybe then you would have been faithful.” That does it.

“YOU FUCKING LITTLE PRICK. I’M GOING TO KILL YOU!” My hand connects with his face and he falls to the ground and I follow him down to the ground and just keep punching his face until Justin is finally able to pull me off him.

“Brian, let it go. He can’t hurt me anymore. I’m with you, where I’ve always wanted to be and he is nothing more than a piece of shit. Don’t worry I didn’t listen to anything he had to say about me.”

“I’m going to have your ass thrown in jail Kinney.” I look down at the bloody mess I’ve created of him and I just smile. I feel like I have finally gotten some kind of justice for Justin and in a weird way for myself.

“You won’t do anything Ethan because if you do I will file charges against you for beating me on a regular basis. I still have some fresh marks from your abusive ass. Just fuck off and let me live my life with the only person that I’ve ever loved.”

We leave him lying there on the ground all bloody and don’t even look back. I cannot wait until we leave for vacation. I can’t stand this fucking town right now. All I need is time alone with Justin. That is all I want, and I have to get through two more days of this place then I will finally be able to relax. 

“Let’s get your stuff back to the loft and then we still have plans, Sunshine.”

“Sounds good to me. Thanks Brian. I don’t feel anything bad about what happened just now. Strange, I thought I would somehow feel a little guilt, but I don’t. I am happy, very happy and you are the reason.”

“Me too baby, me too.” I grab his hand and kiss it and then I just hold it because I need that constant connection with him.

In no time at all we are finished unpacking Justin’s things and it is only one o’clock. He is starting to ask too many questions about what I have planned for him. So, I guess we should really get going. I still need to talk to Emmett, Ted and Lindsey and I have to figure out a way to do it without him listening to my conversations. I’ve got it!

“Justin, lets get going.”

“Where are we going, will you please tell me?” When he looks at me that way I just can’t help but give in.

“I want to go shopping! Now, move.” I lean down and kiss him and then grab his hand and we head out the door.

In the jeep on the way to the mall Justin still has no idea how much he talks. He just keeps talking and talking oh my god. Does he ever shut up? I can feel a headache brewing, but I can’ help smiling at the same time. I am so fucked.

“Are we going to the Big Q?” I give him a look that pretty much answers that.

“We are going to the mall. I needs more clothes and you need new ones for our trip and the start of our new life together.” 

“Brian, are you a pod person? It’s not that I don’t like this new you, it is just a little scary.” 

“I know, I’m scaring myself. I’m actually going to a fucking mall.” 

We pull into a parking space and I look at him and just kiss him and say, “Okay, we can go wherever you want and you can buy whatever you want, but I am not going into the Gap or any other store that makes me feel like I am going to have to kill people.”

“Okay… are you sure you want to do this?”

“Yes, but I’m going to give you my credit card in case you have to bail me out of jail later.”

The first place we go looks like a local college hangout. I hate these kid’s stores, but whatever make his happy. At lease there are some decent looking people in this store. He picks out what seems like hundreds of clothes, but only ends up being a few shirts and a couple pairs of pants to try on.

“Justin, I need to go to the bathroom, I’ll be back in a minute.”

“Okay” 

I step outside of the store and move away from the window just in case he comes out for some odd reason.  
Time to call the troops.

“Hello?”

“Emmett, I need a favor.”

“Brian?”

“Yes it’s me. Look I need you and Ted to call Lindsey and the three of you do something for me.”

“Does it involve Justin?”

“What a smart queen you are. Here’s what I need… AND NO FUCKING VIOLINS!”

“Oh I think that it is fabulous!”

“So, you’ll do it?”

“Of course, what time?”

“We should be home by nine, does that give enough time?”

“Yes.”

“Thanks Em, I really do appreciate it.”

“I know, and Brian? You love him, don’t you?”

“No that it’s any of your business, but since you are doing this for me… yes I do more than anything. Now get to work.” I shut off the phone and thank goodness I remembered to tell Emmett not to tell Mikey anything about this, or it would probably be ruined somehow. I head back into the store and prepare myself for a day of hell in a mall.

“What do you think?” I’m looking at Justin and I can’t help but think “Yummy!” 

“Brian! Stop it!”

“What? Did I just say that out loud?”

“Yes, you did. I take it you approve.” 

“I’ll take something else if you don’t move your bubble ass into the dressing room and change.”

After he picks out what he wants there we head to the next of many stores. He asks to use my cell phone to call his mom because he wanted to let her know where he was. He asks me to go and get a soda for him probably because he doesn’t want me to hear her yell at him for being with me, the pervert from hell.

“Hello?”

“Emmett, its Justin I need a favor.”

“Sweetie, where are you?”

“I’m at the mall with Brian, he is just getting me a drink so I don’t have much time. Will you help?”

“Sure baby.”

“Here is what I need… and Em, please no violins.”

“No problem Justin.” 

“Thanks, I owe you one.”

“Who do you owe?” I just caught the tail end of that conversation; do I really want to know what that was about?

“My mom, she is going to do me a favor.”

“What kind of favor.”

“Nothing special, just don’t worry about it.” That grin is trouble.

“Fine.” I hate it when he keeps secrets from me. 

We end up with half of the mall in the back of the jeep when we finally leave, but at least he will have some decent clothes. I have never felt more like a husband than I did today. I carried everything while he spent my money. Although I did get a few things for myself. We also got Justin a cell phone so that I can always get a hold of him whenever I want to. Oh the things that we can do with text messaging.

“I can’t believe I just spent that long in a mall. Remind me to never volunteer to do this again…please.”

“I’ll have to thank you properly when we get home.”

“Yes you will that was really my motivation in doing this. I was hoping to get lucky tonight.”

“Do you really need to hope? Even if you hadn’t done this for me you would have gotten lucky tonight.”

And after all the walking and shopping he is still talking all the way home. Maybe I shouldn’t have gotten the phone for him because he is talking non-stop about everything it does. Shoot me now! I pull up in front of the loft and I never thought I would be so glad to see our home. I still have my duties and grab most of the packages and make Justin carry some of them. I’m actually scared of what he is going to say when we get up to the loft. I hope he likes it. The ride up takes forever and we are ready to go in and I take a deep breath when he puts his hand on my arm.

“Brian, I feel just like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman.”

“Except, you’re not a hooker, or a woman. If you were either you wouldn’t be here because I don’t pay for sex and I don’t fuck women.” I smile and kiss him. I think to myself, here we go. Another deep breath and I open the loft door.


	4. My Heart

SUNDAY NIGHT

“Good Evening, Sirs.” What the fuck? Emmett in a tuxedo, I know that I’m not high and not drunk.

“God, Brian.” 

Justin steps into the loft and he sees what I had Emmett, Ted and Lindsey do, I haven’t even really taken a look around, but it must be good because the waterworks have already started with him. I turn from him and look at the loft. Jesus, there are roses everywhere! I asked them to get some roses and candles, but fuck! I wonder if any of the florists in town have any left. The roses are either red or sterling, but no other colors at my request. I think that roses are the perfect flower and Justin is as close to perfection as anyone can get, at least in my eyes he is. They are at least a dozen vases spread throughout and petals cover the floor and there is a trail that leads up to the bedroom, but the shutters are closed. There dining room table has a huge vase of the flowers mixed together and the food is already on the table. There is music playing and I don’t even know what it is, fucking Ted must have picked it out. At least there aren’t any violins screeching through the speakers. There are candles in the living room on the coffee table and…oh my god. There are sketches that Justin has done since we known each other. It’s like our history of sorts. There is everything! I see a sketch of me holding Gus like I did the night he was born, a few others that are of us and then there seem to be a least a dozen of just me. Oh fuck, there is even one of us at the prom, dancing. Fuck me; I think I’m going to be sick. 

“Justin… what… when… how?”

“I should ask you the same thing.” 

I walk closer to the sketches and can’t believe how fucking talented he really is. They are all so life-like that it almost seems that they can move on their own. I look at the ones of just me and they are not like any of the others; they all have me doing something in them. In one I’m walking to my jeep from my office, in another I’m eating at the diner, and they all just seem like they are so far away. I look over at Justin who is still standing in front of the door, crying. I am over to him in a split second with my arms around him.

“Justin, they are all so… so… I don’t know they are… I can’t find the words to say how much I love them.”

“Brian, I can’t believe that you did all of this, why?” I lean down to kiss him and my tongue sneaks into his mouth and I feel like I’ve stepped into eternity with him. I break away from him breathless, just like him.

“They were giving the roses away on a corner, so I figure why not.” 

“Oh, get over it Brian. I think that you two must share the same brain or something because you both wanted almost the same thing. It was actually pretty funny to be working on Brian’s request and then have Justin call and ask me to do a lot of the same things. One wants candles, roses and dinner, and the other wants sketches, candles and dinner, but both specifically say no violins. You two, just sit down and have dinner and then you can deny everything Brian.” Emmett needs leave, now.

“Bye Emmett.” I say hoping he understands I am grateful, but I want to be alone with Justin, it seems we need to talk.

“Okay, I get it. I want a hug from Justin first, without any ‘Emmett I’m going to be the shit out of you if you don’t stop touching him’ looks, fair enough Bri?”

“Whatever the fuck, just get on with it.” 

“Thank you! Come here sweetie.” Em gives him a hug and says, “You got your man, baby. Good for you.” Then he kisses him on the cheek.

“Emmett, I didn’t fucking say that you could kiss him! Knock that shit off, get out.”

“Okay, I just love to see you get all protective, it’s so cute. Just wait until Teddy and Lindsey hear about this.”  
“NOW Emmett!” I point to the door and he is practically running to it. Justin is just dying laughing at the whole thing.

I turn to Justin and we both just stare at each other not knowing what to say, at least I don’t know what to say. I finally move forward and wrap my arms around him and I start thinking again of what I had almost lost in him and what we have. I don’t know that I could survive without him in my life. I guess I was pretty lost in thought because I didn’t even hear the loft door open.

“Oh my god boys, why are you still standing there… go and eat! I just forgot my coat so don’t let me interrupt you; I’ll be out here before you know it.” Emmett pulls both Jus and I out of our daze then he is moving us both to the table in a quick motion.

I pull out a chair for Justin and he sits down with his eyes never leaving mine. We eat something; I don’t know what the fuck it was because I didn’t care to pay attention. The whole time I was eating I just kept looking at him and couldn’t believe how beautiful he is and how lucky I am to have him in my life. It just seems so unreal I have to keep telling myself that it’s real and he’s not leaving me.

“Justin, would you like come to dance with me?”

“I don’t really feel like leaving. I thought we could stay in tonight.” Justin thinks we are going to leave, NOW? What the…

“No, I mean here, now. We aren’t going anywhere.” He jumps up from his chair and kisses me like I just did the most amazing thing in the world.

“I would love to dance with you.” 

I lead him closer to the stereo and we just lock together and more sway back and forth than dance. The whole time we are swaying he is tracing my jaw line with kisses and he drops down to my neck. Okay, so this is making me very horny. I can’t help it! I think I have behaved myself enough and now I just want to get into his tight little…

“Brian, I’ve had enough romance for the night. Fuck me here, or fuck in the bedroom, but just please fuck me NOW!”

“You have got to stop reading my mind, it’s fucking scary.”

“I didn’t read your mind. I felt your dick poking me.”

I start laughing and he does too. I’ve had enough of this. I pick him up and carry him up to the bedroom.   
Christ! There are even rose petals on the bed! I hope Emmett knows that he is cleaning this shit up, and what the fuck is that smell. Oh my god, there is potpourri my bedroom. Well, at least the queen left some condoms on the pillows like little mints. 

“Brian Kinney, I love you, forever. Thank you.” Justin just can’t seem to say that enough, but it doesn’t really pain me as much as I thought it would.

“I love you too, baby. Now can we please stop with the talking?”

“Sure, now you can show me that you love me.” 

I end up showing him all night long, finally somewhere around 4am we both finally fall asleep with him pulled close to me and I can see him still smiling.


End file.
